Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Litany of Humility

There's been a subtle shift in the therapy world in the past few decades from talking about "self esteem" to "agency" and "self compassion".  Agency might be defined as a belief that one can take care of herself and take effective action.  Self compassion, to me, means forgiving myself for my human faults - which I'm sure I'll never be able to completely escape. 

I can be a 10 out of 10 on the imaginary Agency Scale and not step on anyone else's rights, worth, or dignity.  I can be a 10 out of 10 on the imaginary Self Compassion Scale, forgiving myself when I fail, and not hurt anyone else by my actions or self-forgiveness.  

Self esteem is stickier.  The dictionary defines it this way.  Can we take confidence and satisfaction in ourselves so far that we fail to see our own flaws and fail to see the ways in which others are superior to us?  If I'm at 10 on the imaginary Self Esteem Scale, can we just say I have a big head and might be a little delusional?

I just read a discussion on the Litany of Humility and how it might not mesh with our idea of "self esteem".  Someone wondered if praying the Litany could lead a person to become a complete doormat.  It's a difficult prayer.  I have to will myself to pray it even though I hardly ever feel the sentiments.  Like almost everything else, I suppose it can be twisted in an unhealthy way.  No, we don't have to become doormats in order to be good to each other.  Yes, we each have incredible dignity as creations of God.

But I have to wonder if this Litany rubs us the wrong way because our society teaches us that we have to compare ourselves to others in order to esteem what we are.  We feel the need to DO better, ACT better, LIVE better. 

Self compassion speaks to me more than self esteem.  I don't want to be satisfied with myself.  I want to see myself as I truly am and, sometimes, be dissatisfied.  I want to say "I am flawed, I fail a lot, and I have incredible worth as a human being."

I've thoroughly confused myself.  Thoughts?


O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, 
Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, 
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, 
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, J
esus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.